I grew up in the bubble dome that is orange county, California. Everything that was emphasized about being successful was outside appearance, and what others thought of you. It created a great deal of insecurity in myself, despite my success as quickly rising to the top as one of the best tournament poker players in the world. In fact, the success made it worse, the more in the spotlight I became because of my success, the more I withdrew, from friends, family, everyone. At the age of 22 I made my first $100,000. Not having a clue what to do with money, I went to Las Vegas and lost every penny gambling in black jack. Making money playing poker cash games came to easily, I had no respect for the dollar. (much like the rest of the world right now, ZING!) I lived this lifestyle and repeated this cycle for a number of years, incinerating money in different ways.
I was insecure, indecisive, and became severely depressed. I'm sure down the line I will touch on those subjects, as they are still a part of my life that I battle and deal with every day. It is very difficult to break the chains that bind you. I found a different group of friends in Las Vegas in the summer of 2011, mainly Gabe Walls and Eric Froehlich. For the first time in my entire life I felt like I had met people who understood me, and my battles with life. They were the first two people who tore down the wall that was I, known to my other friends at the time as the best liar they ever met.
Through our talks, I decided to start going to therapy and seeing a psychiatrist, which are two of the three things that helped me out of my concrete shell. The third ingredient is controversial right now, Marijuana, and that will also be covered at another time. I started to find out who I really was. What I really thought. Instead of just saying whatever I wanted to say to manipulate the conversation in a way I wanted, usually away from myself. This "awakening" caused my most serious depression. Dealing with all the years I lost, and trying to convince myself it was not to late to start. I reached the absolute peak of my depression in the fall of 2012, staying in a hotel room for weeks at a time, sleeping then staying up days a time, and abusing myself in variety of ways.
Saving a lot of the details and stories for later, fast forward to now. A lot of people see my move to Mexico as a way to continue to play online poker, as thousands of poker players have done. My move to Mexico is about getting out of my comfort zone, and learning more about myself, in a peaceful environment, without the distractions that I have accumulated over the years in southern California. I am eager to listen, learn, read, study, and work. I am even more eager to find out more about myself. And with that, I give you the first of many quotes I have found helpful to me.
"Do you want to know who you are? Don't ask. Act! Action will delineate and define you." -Thomas Jefferson
Enjoy my blog for whatever reason you are here. Whether you know me from childhood, adulthood, or poker. I will post poker hands, my views on the poker world, my growth as a person, and my random musings and thoughts.
I will be spending most of my time here, playing online poker multi table tournaments.
